Guidelines for Relationship Coaching
The goal of coaching is to empower the client, not to dictate or advise as an expert. However, clients often need specialized skills and information to be successful in achieving their goals. The art of coaching and relationship coaching involves facilitating learning while holding the client as the expert on their life and what works for them. What follows are some guidelines to help conceptualize the role of the coach and client in relationship coaching.
1. Relationship Coaching is not consulting or therapy.
Coaching empowers by assuming the clients are the experts, fully capable of achieving their goals, and focuses on supporting them into action. Consulting typically provides advice and solutions, while therapy typically focuses on insight and resolution of emotional issues. Because these approaches are so different, I am clear about these distinctions, educate my clients about them, and make clear choices about the nature of the coaching relationship that are in the best interests of my clients. Refer to Coaching v Therapy.
2. A Relationship Coach helps the client focus on the bigger picture.
Relationship coaching is not effective when isolating the clients' relationship goals from the rest of their life, such as work, family, friends, wellness, spirituality, etc. I take a holistic approach with my clients that incorporates all parts of thier life.
3. A Relationship Coach shares relationship knowledge, experience, and information without attachment.
Sharing expertise with my clients as a coach is very different from any other helping relationship. It is necessary to address my clients' relationship skills and knowledge deficits; however, I do so in a way that supports them to discover and "own" their truth.
4. A Relationship Coach assumes a relationship is part of the journey, not the destination.
I support my clients to focus on meaning, connection, and long-term goals, in addition to helping them find a partner or improve their existing relationships.
5. A Relationship Coach assumes that the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself.
Our relationships are our mirrors. The Law of Attraction dictates that what is inside shows up on the outside. I help my clients take responsibility for their relationship outcomes and be the partner they want to have.
6. A Relationship Coach does not judge a relationship as right or wrong, good or bad.
As stated above, I assume my clients are the experts and honour their truth and agenda. While we all have judgments, I do not impose them on my clients. I lead my clients through a process of discovery in which they are empowered to make the relationship choices that are right for them.
7. A Relationship Coach does not seek to get personal needs met with clients or prospective clients.
As an ethical coach I value being of service above all else, hold the coaching relationship sacred, and do not allow a personal agenda to interfere with doing so.
8. A Relationship Coach addresses their clients' sabotaging attitudes and choices without making them wrong.
I skillfully and respectfully help my clients become aware of the connection between their attitudes (beliefs, interpretations, etc), choices and consequences. I support them in making their own judgments and decisions about their choices in light of their Vision, Purpose, Requirements, Needs, and Goals.
9. A Relationship Coach is neutral about the outcome for pre-committed relationships, and an advocate for committed relationships.
I value using the opportunity while single to make conscious long-term relationship choices, and believe in the power and necessity of commitment to make those choices work and be fulfilling.
10. A Relationship Coach "walks the talk" by continually addressing his or her own personal and relationship development, challenges, and goals.
I know that I can only help my clients along paths that I have traveled myself, and no further, so I continually strive to be conscious and intentional in my life and relationships. This includes furthering my own learning and development by working with a coach or mentor, on-going training, and other means
